What if I was to tell you that medicine couldn’t heal you? Imagine what the reality of that would mean for you in your life right now? Thats my reality. When I was younger my parents spent most of their lives in and out of hospital. Medicine did treat them and yeah you could say they’d have been worse off without it but I don’t think so. Medicine didn’t heal them it just controlled them. It dangled a carrot of health over them and it never delivered!
I wonder what health meant to them? I wonder did they ever consider what health is? After I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease I was terrified. I was prepped for my 1st procedure – A Colonoscopy. In a gown and pushing a drip I hobbled down the corridor to the next ward to visit my Dad. He was transferred from the Nursing Home that morning and I wanted to see him before I went in.
It makes me so sad now to think that my conviction to find another way to be healthy (Something I’m really grateful for) comes from seeing him suffer so badly for so long. Seeing someone you love be so sick is painful and for years I coped by running away but I couldn’t run from my own body.
So that was how I knew medicine wasn’t for me, I took full responsibility for my body and got myself (relatively) healthy, Fast forward 10 years to yesterday and It all comes flooding back. Ya see when your healthy you forget!
I had a persistent UTI and I ignored it. It came and went for over a year and I didn’t do anything to help it. It always went away and I’m only Human after all 🙂 In January this year it got really bad so I went to the Dr. I had seen her with some residents and I liked her. She was very thorough and off I went with an antibiotic. Not something I ever imagined I’d take because thats what I believed was a contributing factor to my Crohn’s in the 1st place but I’d let it get bad enough to take anything – Six months later, 4 doses of antibiotics and still a UTI but now I’ve pain in my abdomen. I’m sitting in a chair in A&E, I checked in 16 hours ago and now a doctor is telling me he is sending me home with another course of Antibiotics. He was very sweet and reassured me that he felt it was the best course of action for me.
I wanted to scream….
I wanted to remind him of all the times I spent wreathing in pain on a trolly in that same A&E always to be sent home by some self assured Dr. – confident that they were taking the best course of action for me.
I wanted to go into detail of how after 10 discharges from that A&E I was finally diagnosed in a different hospital with severe Crohn’s disease, fistulas, Strictures, Scar tissue, Narrowing of the bowl, Anaemic, weighing 6 stone and all the rest!!!!
I wanted him to know that I wasn’t choosing to sit in A&E for Fun.
I wanted to make him see the system is failing us both and everyone who has the misfortune to pass through it. Staff and Patients.
I didn’t say any of it though because I knew it wasn’t his fault and I knew mostly my frustration was at myself. I chose to ignore the early signs. I chose to go through the health system, I chose to waste Countless hours in waiting Rooms and countless 50 euros on Dr. Appointments and I chose to do all that even though my whole life has shown me that we have the ability to heal ourselves and our medical system disempowers us from taking that responsibility and I was so frustrated at myself that I forgot!!!!
On the plus side though its the kick in the ass I needed to finally start a blog. I’ve only been talking about it for 10 years 😉 Now that I’ve finally started I hope I can remember what I did on my journey back to health from my Crohn’s Diagnosis 10 years ago and share it here for anyone that struggling with Crohn’s or a similar Auto Immune disease.